Bearing God: The life and works of St. Ignatius of Antioch (A.S. Damick)


One of the things I gained as I entered into Orthodox Christianity is a fuller sense of the history of the Christian church. As a Protestant, I considered the 14 centuries between the 1st century church of Acts, and then Luther’s reformation in the 16th century as something of a black hole,where nothing of significance happened. In hindsight, this point of view was absurd.  Christ declared of the church he built, that the “gates of hell shall not prevail against it”- how could it just die for 1400 years to be revived by Luther? And to ignore this period of history, the transition between the time of Acts and our time, ignores an age when the Christian faith was spreading like wildfire despite intense persecution, ignores the works and sacrifices of many righteous martyrs, and ignores some of the most profound and influential theological writings.

Bearing God: The life and works of St. Ignatius of Antioch  was written by Father Andrew Stephen Damick, a prominent Orthodox Christian author and an American priest under the Antiochian tradition. For Father Damick, learning of this “lost history” of the Christian church was the impetus for him discovering the Orthodox Christian faith. The epistles written by St. Ignatius of Antioch were especially significant for him, for reasons he explains in great detail in this preview of the book.

St. Ignatius was a prominent figure in the early Christian church in the 1st and early 2nd centuries. He was bishop of Antioch and a disciple of the Apostle John. Father Damick’s book discusses several letters St. Ignatius wrote to the churches of his time, as he was being taken to Rome to die for his faith (the texts of the letters can be found here). As someone brought up in the faith by Jesus’ disciples, St. Ignatius serves as a bridge between the church of Acts and our church today.

Father Damick writes his book not as a historical or theological treatise, rather, he discusses the letters of St. Ignatius in a pastoral, devotional manner- very focused on what these letters say about how we should live our lives today. The book is a very easy read: I finished the whole thing in a few hours. The source material, the epistles of St. Ignatius, are also very short and easy to understand.

The main themes of St. Ignatius’ letters are that of sacrifice and of community. St. Ignatius was condemned to die in faith, and he wrote these letters when as he was taken from Syria to Rome for his execution. We see how much St. Ignatius is looking forward to his martyrdom, and Father Damick explains masterfully how this ties in to Ignatius’ theology, and how even for us in modern times the attitude and practice of self-sacrifice is essential in our Christian faith.

The letters also explain at length how St. Ignatius saw the church, and how important Christian unity was to him. He writes at length about the role of the bishop, and how important it was for Christians to respect their city’s bishop, and to be united under his leadership. Father Damick emphasizes how the individualism of our day contrasts with St. Ignatius’ description of the 1st-century church.

There have been so many movements in Christianity seeking to re-establish the 1st Century Christian church- and so much ink spent on speculating what that Acts church to be like. St. Ignatius is uniquely positioned in this regard. To best understand how the church of the Apostles worked, it makes sense to consult someone who grew up in the first century, under the direct guidance of the Apostles. We see that the church that emerges from St. Ignatius’ letters it not very different from the Orthodox church today.






Miracles, Millions, and Love

I recently posted about St. Theodosius the Great, and this resulted in a long Facebook conversation with my friend Emma. I thought readers of the blog would find it interesting, so with her permission I share here an unedited transcript of our conversation (taken from my Facebook post, our comments on my post, and discussions on Facebook messenger).  She refers a few times to the movie “Millions”: here is a link to its IMDB page.

I will remind the reader that I am merely a layperson- please don’t take what I say as authoritative Orthodox doctrine! This is just a conversation between two friends grappling with questions of faith and kindness.


Today is the feast day of St. Theodosios the Great. I love this episode from his life:

One time when there was a famine in Palestine and a multitude of people gathered at the monastery, the monk gave orders to allow everyone into the monastery enclosure. His disciples were annoyed, knowing, that the monastery did not have the means to feed all those who had come. But when they went into the bakery, they saw that then through the prayers of the abba, that it was filled with bread. And suchlike a miracle was repeated every time, when the Monk Theodosios wanted to give help to the destitute.




This reminds me of a scene in the movie ‘Millions’ (kind of weird movie). It’s hard to explain why out of context, but St Peter is speaking to a little boy (Edited from dialogue for clarity):

“Damian. Listen. One day I was with you know who – Jesus. And he went up into the mountains, and thousands of people followed him. The police said five thousand, five thousand. This kid comes up to us, about your size. He comes up with these loaves and fishes. Sardines. And Jesus blesses them, and passes the plate round.

Now the first person he passes it to, passes it on. He doesn’t take anything. He just passes it on. Do you know why? Because he had a piece of lamb hidden in his pocket. And as he is passing the fish, he sneaks a bit of meat out and pretends he’s taken it off the plate.

Do you see what I’m saying?

And the next person – exactly the same story. Every single bastard one of them has their own food. And every one of them is keeping it quiet. Looking after number one.

But as that plate went round, with the sardines on, they all got their own food, out and started to share. And then that plate went all the way round, and back to Jesus. And it’d still got the fish and the loaves on it.

I think Jesus was a bit taken aback. He says, ‘What happened?’ And I just said, ‘Miracle’.

And at first, I thought I’d fooled him. But now I see it was a miracle, one of his best. This little kid had stood up and… everybody there just got bigger.”

I guess it’s a bit off-topic from this miracle, but it reminded me of it and I like it so much I thought I’d share. I really like the idea that sometimes the ‘miracle’ is inspiring other people to help each other, something that I often think the stories you share of the Saints conveys better than the more traditional stuff I learned in Sunday school.



Hello Emma, I thought the comment you posted on my wall was absolutely lovely- thank you for sharing. I have a lot I want to say in response, but I am in the middle of finals grading hell right now, so it is going to take me a few days. For now, I just wanted to make sure you knew I appreciated it I hope all is well with you!



Hey, I’m so glad! I waivered a bit about posting it as I didn’t want it to be taken the wrong way 🙂 It’s always stuck with me, and even though I’m not religious now, it’s inspiring, and to me, such a good example of the true power of Faith – not to wait for the magic of God, but to be compelled to make good happen yourself.

Glad you enjoyed it! The movie itself is a bit strange but worth a watch, if for no other reason than to see this scene – they cast St Peter as a Geordie (from Newcastle in England) and the accent makes it even better!

No worries about a delay in replying, I know how it is with exam marking! 🙂 And congratulations on the book once again!



Emma, the parable of the loaves and fishes is one of my favourites, and I am glad you found this version of it meaningful! I have to catch this movie sometime.

My beliefs about miracles have shifted a bit in the past few years, and I think this shift is related to what you wrote in your comment. I first learned a “Sunday school” version of how faith works: that is you believe hard enough God will miraculously solve all your problems. But I have been realizing recently how miracles in Christian scripture and hagiography are almost always “participatory” in nature. Miracles happen in synergy with some form of human action, usually some great act of love or selflessness, not God working out a magic show with us in the sidelines. In the loaves and fishes story, the miracle happens in response to the little kid offering to share his little basket of bread and fish, even though they cannot possibly be enough to feed thousands. In Theodosius’ story, the miracle happens in response to him welcoming the hungry refugees to his monastery, even when his pantry is empty and the other monks get upset at him.

Sometimes in English bibles the word for “miracle” gets translated instead as “signs”, and perhaps this is a better translation. Miracles are a reminder that these acts of love are right, even when they are risky, even when it seems our efforts are pointless. Of course, often we perform these acts of love and no miracle comes in response: we indeed offer too little to make a difference, or perhaps we are even harmed by our act of charity. But we cannot fully predict what good will emerge from of our actions, and I think these miracles, sprinkled throughout history, are a sign from God that these acts of self-sacrificial love are good and worthwhile, even when we in our limited perspective don’t see the resolution we desire.

But I think we have reached the point where we disagree. I understand the scientist’s desire to demystify things, and so I think I get why you like the movie’s version of the loaves and fishes story. However, I consider the mystery behind these miracles essential, so I find this alternative, “mundane” version a bit unsatisfying. It is very important to me that these acts of love- sharing your bread with hungry strangers when you yourself don’t have enough- that they are so meaningful, so incomprehensibly powerful, that the laws of nature break in their presence. I don’t have the faith of Theodosius, or of the little boy with the basket of food. When I share, it tends to be in a shamefully calculating manner: I weigh how much I want to hoard to keep myself comfortable, against the expected benefit of my contribution, perhaps with some victim-blaming judgement thrown in to figure out if the recipient is “deserving”. But when I remember these miracles, I remember how little I really know, how shallow my human perspective is, how much I don’t understand about the consequences of my actions. I then trust my calculations less and I hope more, and out of this hope I give more freely. By the grace of God, if I do this enough, maybe I will slowly learn that faith of Theodosius.

For brevity I am omitting here boring parts of our conversation where I ask Emma permission to include her words on this blog post. We end with one last comment from her.

EMMA: Hey Darren, it looks good! I’m very honoured 🙂 Glad my little quote could lead to something nice!

You don’t have to post this bit, but I wanted to just round out the discussion WRT your last comment. I completely understand your point that the magic of some of the other miracle stories is exactly in that they are not ‘mundane’, but also what you say about that they still require an act of selflessness and faith – ‘participation’ – Theodosius inviting everyone in even though there wasn’t enough food. And, I also see the importance that it isn’t all just explainable by humans being sneakily nice – there is some unexplainable reward from God as well.

From an athestic perspective, I’ll admit that I can’t buy into ‘magic’ miracles (no judgement intended), but one of the things I like about the ‘mundane’ version of Loaves and Fishes, and even Saints’ stories like Theodosius, is that they remind me of the good of religion. I tend to get pretty cynical about religion, because in my eyes I see a lot of harm (in my opinion) done by people in the names of various faiths. And on my Newsfeed, though there are many Christians, few of them are inspiring examples of their faith (there are some exceptions, you among them!). They are quick to judge, and slow to show mercy or offer help. Now, they are only human, and I certainly am probably no shining example of much of anything myself, but I would be lying to say that it doesn’t influence my opinion.

But stories like these, where people are moved by their faith to do great things (and even little things that turn into great things) without knowing if it will be ok, remind me that there is a value that I share deeply with religion, and that anything that can inspire more goodness, more kindness, more selfless helping, whether mundane or miraculous, is something I can respect and support, even if I do not necessarily believe. It chides me from my cynicism a bit.


I hope that makes sense! And hope it’s clear I do not mean any disrespect (part of why I didn’t want to post on your wall; didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way), just thought you might be interested in part of the attraction of these stories to a non-believer.

On a personal note, I really enjoy reading your posts/blog posts about your faith, and find them both refreshing and inspiring. Thank you!


Finding Orthodox Books in Malaysia


I discuss Orthodox Christian books rather frequently on this blog, and I get questions once in a while on how to find them in Malaysia. It can be very challenging especially for physical copies of books. Here are some options I have been able to identify.

Ask me!

Send me a message using the contact page of this blog ( Especially if you live somewhere in the Klang Valley, I might know someone who has the book you are looking for and you might be able to borrow it.


If you don’t insist of a physical copy of a book, we have some good options.


A lot of important Orthodox books are old, and thus do not have any copyright restrictions. I have been able to find some important texts online.

Christian Bookstores

There are plenty of Christian bookstores in big Malaysian cities. Of course, they will mostly carry only Roman Catholic and Protestant books, but you can find patristic writings occasionally, and I have seen a copy of the Orthodox study bible (pictured above) once.

Online Book Retailers

I know some Malaysians have had some success ordering books off Amazon and other online retailers.

Here are some discussions with instructions I have found online

Do you know of another way to obtain Orthodox Christian books?

Please share in the comments if you know another way to obtain Orthodox books!

Three years Orthodox

I was received into Orthodoxy through the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese of North America on the Sunday after Theophany, 2015 (new Calendar).  I have thus completed my third year in the orthodox church.  I suppose this is a good time as any for some reflection.

I came across this thoughtful quote by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn:

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Gulag Archipelago

I feel that this quote encapsulates the most important ways my thinking has shifted, having lived in the orthodox way for these three years. Contemporary secular morality defaults to dividing between “good people” and “bad people” (prompting the Solzhenitsyn quote above) and protestant thinking divides between “saved” and “unsaved” in a similar way. The “lifeboat analogy” is a very common part of protestant teaching: the idea that Christians are on a lifeboat, and our calling is to convince the rest of the world to get on.

In Orthodoxy,  the line between good and evil, between saved and unsaved is not between one person and another,  but within each person’s heart. For these first three years, the most influential lines of the liturgy for me has been these words in the prayer before communion, taken from 1 Timothy 1:15:

I believe, O Lord, and I confess that Thou art truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God, Who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief…

I am very grateful how the Orthodox faith has such a healthy attitude toward guilt. We talk of sin as if it were a sickness, and the work of overcoming sin as if it were therapy. Whereas as a Protestant I believed that Christ simply and immediately removes the sin of the Christian, in the Orthodox faith Christ’s work of salvation in us is slow, gradual, and happens with our participation. We participate by being alert to our failings and repenting continually from our sins. If we do this right, we are too focused on our own faults to have time to judge the wrongs of other people. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? A lot better to regard your own sins as much worse than the sins of those around you.

For these three years, Orthodox living has been a patient, painful process of spiritual growth: “destroying a piece of my heart” as Solzhenitsyn put it, or “dying to myself” as the New Testament says. I have slowly recognized the many ways in which I have been callous and hurtful to other people, and forced myself to confront the flimsy justifications I have made for awful behavior. I am beginning to see how I am often coldly dismissive of others’ hopes, needs and vulnerabilities,   and how my desire to correct others’ faults comes not from a place of love, but self-righteousness and judgment. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

But these realizations do not lead to despair, but to hope. I continually repent, I continually surrender my broken self, I continually acknowledge my helplessness before the God who can do all things, and today I look forward to  Christ’s victory over my yesterday failings.

It is not that I was unaware of these unhealthy tendencies before I became Orthodox. But as a Protestant my spiritual focus was outward- towards the unforgiven sin in the non-believers around me, towards the wickedness and injustice in society. I mostly saw repentance as something I did in the past, and I considered continually dwelling on my own sin after accepting Christ as something pathological.

I think I am in a healthier place now, but I am still very new to the Orthodox faith, and there is still a lot I don’t understand, and a lot that I am probably doing wrong. In particular, I hope in the next few years I will learn what it means to live an Orthodox Christian life in an unjust society. As a Protestant, I felt that I was more in tune with the plight of the poor and suffering. Now, all my energy and attention is focused towards my sin and my spiritual growth, and in building up the church in Malaysia. The author of Ecclesiastes writes that “in everything there is a season”, and perhaps my attention is focused inward just for this time. But in the lives of the Orthodox saints I see how so many of them sacrificed a great deal for the sake of the poor and oppressed, and how there was harmony, not contradiction between their inward spiritual formation and their outward action. I haven’t figured that out yet. By God’s grace maybe I will.


St. Ephraim the Syrian on the Nativity

The following is a meditation of St. Ephraim the Syrian on the Nativity. It was taken from this webpage of Nativity sermons and patristic writings run by the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese of North America.  Christ is born! Glorify Him!


Pure is the present night, in which the Pure One appeared, Who came to purify us! Let our hearing be pure, and the sight of our eyes chaste, and the feeling of the heart holy, and the speech of the mouth sincere!

The present night is the night of reconciliation; therefore, let no one be wroth against his brother and offend him!

This night gave peace to the whole world, and so, let no one threaten. This is the night of the Most Meek One; let no one be cruel!

This is the night of the Humble One; let no one be proud!

Now is the day of joy; let us not take revenge for offences! Now is the day of good will; let us not be harsh. On this day of tranquility, let us not become agitated by anger!

Today God came unto sinners; let not the righteous exalt himself over sinners!

Today the Most Rich One became poor for our sake; let the rich man invite the poor to his table!

Today we received a gift which we did not ask for; let us bestow alms to those who cry out to us and beg!

The present day has opened the door of heaven to our prayers; let us also open our door to those who ask of us forgiveness!

Today the Godhead placed upon Himself the seal of humanity, and humanity has been adorned with the seal of the Godhead!


Thirsting for God in a land of shallow wells (M. Gallatin)

For this  post we have a guest author, Maximus Tan, writing about the book “Thirsting for God in a land of shallow wells” by Matthew Gallatin. For Malaysians, it might be easiest to access the eBook through Ancient Faith Publishing’s website.



Thirsting for God in a Shallow Wells is a book about Matthew Gallatin’s journey in various forms and denominations of Christianity, including Seventh-Day Adventist, Non-denominational, Charismaticism, Roman Catholicism, and more. The book also deals with his journey back to Orthodoxy, the history of the Orthodox faith, and his research on the early Church. It also contains a basic introduction to Orthodoxy.

This book starts off by his emerging doubts about the protestant concepts such as Sola Scriptura, in which scripture alone is the complete authority in everything Christian. The author also struggles with relativism in Protestantism, and the idea of “truth” as a rational thing, that is discovered and evaluated by applying one’s faculty of understanding to the Scriptures.

Being a man himself who has been in so many different denominations in Protestantism, Matthew begun to wonder, “what then is ultimate truth?” In Protestantism, it seemed to be that there can be no ultimate truth, since truth is derived from the interpretation of the Bible from each individual person. And it is evident because denominations within Protestantism hold to different views in different issues, each claims to hold the truth. Yet their versions of truth conflict, despite their common insistence on Sola Scriptura.

Some hold to the totality of God’s sovereignty over all aspects of creation including the predetermination of who will or not be saved, to the extent that human free will does not have any influence in this matter.  On the other hand, some hold the completely opposite view. So even though a group of Protestants might agree that  “We are saved by grace through faith in Christ alone”, each denomination interprets and views those words very differently. Slowly, the author began to question his faith and doctrines, even whether he is truly a Christian, since the doctrines and understandings of God that he and other Christians hold are not merely interpreted differently, but rather contradict each other. Since there is only one God, there can never be different contradicting views of Him. As the Gospel of John notes,

“…that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given the, that they may be one just as We are one” – John 17:21,22

It is apparent then, that there should only be one Church, one Body and one teaching. Not a multiplicity of them.

With these troubling thoughts, Matthew realized that the concept of Sola Scriptura, which is the very root of Protestantism, is in itself, fallible. Therefore, Matthew begins to journey into Roman Catholicism. Yet, there are still unsettling issues such as the idea of Papal infallibility, in which the Pope of Rome has the entire authority and jurisdiction over the entire world of Christianity, and also the common view of  Christ’s saving works and the atonement in the Western church with the understanding of a “substitution” or “satisfaction” concepts, which did not arrive until the very end of the eleventh century.

What led him to Orthodoxy then, is through the discovery of the early Church, the practices, the doctrines, the faith and life. The major differences that he noted were:


  • The understanding of atonement in light of “substitution” or “satisfaction” concept never existed, rather a God who is loving and self-sacrificing work is to rescue us for Himself from the power of sin, Satan and death, and not form his displeasure of us.
  • From Pentecost on, the Church has always been liturgical, and church meetings were not like today’s free-form worship or home fellowship. This is evident in the book of Acts.
  • The Early Church has always been centered around the Eucharist or Communion, and that the Bread and Wine is not merely symbolic, but truly the Body and Blood of Christ.
  • The Early Church honored departed Saints as living and worshiping in Heaven.
  • Infant baptism was the standard practice in the Church and recognized as a doctrine “received from the Apostles”






“But we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth, to which He called you by the Gospel, for the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions which you were taught, whether by word or our epistle.” – 2 Thessalonians 2:13-15

St. Paul urges the Christians at Thessalonica to stand fast and hold on to the traditions which they were taught. In other words then, truth is handed down to them by Jesus Christ and the apostles, in which the Church of God has always believed, and will always believe. The church believes these things from the beginning, from the day of Pentecost. There is no sense then in deriving truth from personal interpretation of Scripture. And all this fullness of faith and truth is ultimately found in the Holy Orthodox Church! From the church’s teachings, flow the doctrines, the life and the faith of true Christianity.

Personally, as a person who, like Matthew, came from various Protestant backgrounds, I find this book incredibly relatable and useful. It expanded my knowledge about the issues with Protestantism, as well as growing me in light of the teachings of the Orthodox Church. Whether you are a non-Orthodox Christian from other Christian background or other religion, or even Orthodox Christian who seeks to know more about Protestantism coming home to Orthodoxy, I highly recommend this book to all!


An Orthodox prayer for a friend

Sometimes it can be difficult to know how to pray for a friend. I found this link very helpful, it contains very wise and useful advice about this matter. (I believe this is written by Father Seraphim Holland, an American ROCOR priest).

I have found myself using this prayer that he recommends very often:

Save, O Lord, and have mercy on Thy servant(s)________
Deliver him (her, them)
from every tribulation, wrath and need,
From every sickness of soul and body,
Forgive him (her, them) every transgression, voluntary and involuntary,
And do whatever is profitable for our souls

I hope it will be useful for the readers of this blog too.